15 Grossly Misleading Movie Posters
Europe loves depressing, hopelessly bleak tragedies about people dying slowly, or perhaps in a concentration camp. So when the movie promoted is roughly 270 minutes of dragons and elves screaming while running with swords, you're pretty well screwed.
Your only option is to promise the audience a black and white movie about a grandfather who hugs little boys and hope the Spanish don't have a word for "refund." This isn't an action movie, guys; it's an Oscar winning flick about hugs, sad goodbyes and eccentric old men with funny hats. Who probably dies of cancer in a concentration camp.
In this poster, we see Cujo the Luck Dragon crying red tears of sadness, because his best friend is a little boy who's had his genitals replaced with a bag of hot dog buns and is fucking furious about it. Also, his mother is Christopher Walken's mentally challenged twin sister.
Of course, Cujo isn't a baffling prequel to The Neverending Story, but the story of a rabid dog who viciously kills half a dozen people. Of all the cynical deception taking place on this list, this one has to be the most mean spirited. Yes, let's give African children something else to cry about.
12.
If you're having trouble remembering the part in the final Harry Potter book when Voldemort turns London into a giant rave, that's because it didn't happen. What did happen is that the kids who grew up reading about Harry have moved on to Twilight, so the studio apparently decided they could cash in by portraying a confused or possibly constipated teenage girl wandering helplessly without the guidance of her big, strong, man with supernatural powers.
11. Raiders of the Lost Ark and Romancing the Stone Poland
Polish movie posters are famous for making absolutely no goddamned sense, so it should come as no surprise that in Poland the adventures of Dr. Jones are represented as a millipede whip literally skull fucking Cthulhu's cranium. After all, what better way to market a lighthearted, action adventure movie than showing some grotesque Metalhead tattoo, surrounded by walls of melting bone?
Now you might be tempted to think that this was an honest mistake. Raiders has some slightly creepy moments. Maybe they were taking two of the world's longest pees during everything except the snake scene. You'd realize your mistake when you saw the Polish poster for cheesy, romantic adventure Romancing the Stone .at which point you'd realize that there was only one graphic designer in all of Poland during the 80s, and he was raped by ghosts as a child.
While the hot nurse that never appears in Saw VI is pretty deceptive, what really shows a dedication to misdirection is the change in tagline: This one reads "struggle Cheap Jerseys in a Michael Kors Outlet world filled with crazy, demonic love," and "Enter wholesale nfl jerseys the door that will save you," respectively.
So you head in to the movie expecting to see some sort of hell based romantic comedy, which we're just going to go ahead and assume is a booming genre in China, and instead you get two straight hours of good ol' fashioned American Torture Porn. The Chinese can be forgiven for nurturing a deep mistrust and fear of Americans now, believing that we think makin' a dude chop his dong off is just "crazy love."
If you've never seen nor heard of Sex and the City before, then A) tell us where you live, and how flexible the cheapermichaelkorsoutlet.us.com Visa laws are there, and B) you could be forgiven for thinking it sounds pretty awesome. The title makes it sound like it's a non stop Festival of Ass and the poster only reinforces that notion, depicting both the lead and supporting actresses as giant disembodied tits.
How many Polish males went to see this thing only to find out that it's mostly "sex" as a topic of conversation for middle aged women to make terrible puns about?
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3 Bizarrely Specific Job Trends in Movies
Before I made jokes on the Internet, I used to hand out greasy popcorn in movie theaters. After that, I sold fishing and camping equipment. After that, I sold shoes. Then I was a camp counselor, and then I sold bowel cleanser over the phone, then I washed dishes, and then I was a bartender. And now I have this job.
No matter what job I had, I always thought, "Man, someday I'm going to write a movie about this. Someday I'll tell the world my story, as a 19 year old who sells bowel cleanser over the phone to lunatics." Unfortunately, the world will never get to see my bowel cleanser movie, or my camp counselor TV show, or my shoe salesman musical, because Hollywood is very specific about what careers they will focus on. And my jobs just don't fit into any of their acceptable career categories.
When I first noticed the overabundance of male architects in pop culture, I thought I must have been overreacting, seeing and reading into nonexistent patterns, all Beautiful Mind style. After all, there's a finite amount of job types out there, and just because I might have noticed a few movies about architects doesn't mean anything weird was going on.
Then CBS debuted its new show Partners, which features two male architects in leading roles. That means CBS now has two ensemble comedy shows featuring architects in a row on the same night every Monday.
So I decided to reopen my investigation. Let's look at exactly how many architects Cheap High-Low Prom Dresses are popping up in movies and TV. We've got Joseph Gordon Levitt in (500) Days of Summer .Zach Braff in The Last Kiss .Keanu Reeves in The Lake House .Matthew Perry and Oliver Platt in Three to Tango .and plenty more, including Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, Adam Sandler in Click, Luke Wilson in My Super Ex Girlfriend, Matthew Broderick in The Cable Guy and Matt Dillon in You, Me and Dupree (and he also pretends to be an architect in Something About Mary). I just didn't feel like tracking down pictures of all of Cheap Ball Gown Prom Dresses those.
Really look at that list. I'm closing in on 30 years old, I've lived on both sides of the country replica christian louboutin shoes and spent at least a little bit of time in a dozen other states, and I have never in my life met a Cheap Plus Size Wedding Dresses single architect (let alone a sexy one with a bunch of interesting and dramatic friends). I couldn't find an architect with a gun to my head, but when the aliens take over this planet and go through our records, they're going to assume that there was a long stretch of time where every single middle class white guy exclusively built skyscrapers.
It's a crazy specific trend. If your character is a cop, you're making an action cop movie about justice. If he's a lawyer, you're making a legal thriller about a more boring kind of justice. But Cheap Short Wedding Dresses if you don't want to make an action movie or a legal thriller, your protagonist is an architect, end of story.
Or at least what Hollywood thinks an architect is. Hollywood isn't just writing about architects; it's writing about architect designers. These protagonists are always landing clients and designing elegant and functional buildings when, in reality, modern architects spend very little time designing and focus more on "construction detailing or project management." There Cheap Bridesmaid Dresses 2015 hasn't been an accurate representation of an architect on film in years. They like that an architect has all of the passion and creativity of an artist, but without any of the "starving artist" stereotypes.
But still, Hollywood seems to think it's the perfect average white guy job, so look forward to 11 movies starring Paul Rudd as an architect in 2013.
2. There Are Three Types of Jobs Women Can Have
I'd like to say right now that I'm not trying to turn this into a debate about sexism in Hollywood. That is a valid debate, but it should be handled by people who are smarter than me. I'm not bringing up the fact that Hollywood only creates a small number of roles for women as a way of saying "There's a disappointing lack of gender balance in Hollywood today." I'm only doing it as a way of saying "Hey, isn't it silly that Hollywood does this? Jokes!"
Now that the disclaimer's out of the way, let's get into the three sexist roles that sexist Hollywood forces upon women.
Something Vaguely Related to Journalism
The female lead in 7 out of 10 romantic comedies works in journalism, which is a statistic I just made up but still believe with all of my heart.
To drive home the pervasiveness of this trend, not only am I going to list a bunch of women who played journalists in movies, but I'm going to do my best to Kevin Bacon the shit out of it and build a full chain of connections. Here we go.
Katherine Heigl worked for E! News in Knocked Up, and then Heigl played a morning show producer in The Ugly Truth. Rachel McAdams was a morning show producer in Morning Glory, and then McAdams played a spunky reporter in State of Play. Drew Barrymore was a spunky reporter who made herself the subject of her own story in Never Been Kissed, and then Kate Hudson made herself the subject of a story in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, a movie that featured Robert Klein. Klein played himself in Definitely, Maybe, which featured Rachel Weisz as an aspiring journalist and, speaking of aspiring journalists, that's what Tara Reid was in Van Wilder with Ryan Reynolds. louboutin replica And then Ryan Reynolds starred in The Proposal, which co starred Sandra Bullock as the editor for a New York publisher.
Something Vaguely Related to Wearing Lots of Pantsuits
Speaking of The Proposal, it's one of the rare crossovers, in that Sandra Bullock is tangentially connected to the field of journalism but is also a no nonsense businesswoman who wears pantsuits and is mad most of the time the second category of jobs Hollywood will allow women to have. They're Cheap Short Prom Dresses just as career focused as the female journalists above, but this time they are in pantsuits.
We've got Meryl Streep as a career obsessed fashion . something in The Devil Wears Prada .Kate Beckinsale, the fancy ad executive in Everybody's Fine .Sarah Jessica Parker as the cold, all business something or other in The Family Stone .
And more, but Cheap Beach Wedding Dresses I've exhausted the movies I know off the top of Cheap Long Prom Dresses my head, and "serious women in pantsuits" isn't something I'd like to add to my Google Image Search, because I'm not sure what impact it would have on Cheap Sexy Prom Dresses the profile that the government is building on me Cheap Wedding Dresses 2015 based on all of my previous searches, and I'd rather not take the chance that it'll be a negative one. My point is, women be pantsuiting; you can't stop a woman from pantsuiting in a movie. Even in 2012, a pantsuit and ponytail is Hollywood's shorthand for an uptight woman who needs to, by the end of the movie, loosen up.
I don't know if this woman exists in real life, but that's because I work for a silly Internet website, and as such have never met a woman who wore a pantsuit in a non Halloween context.
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Roller Hockey International was founded in the early 1990s and was the first ever professional inline hockey league in North America. With teams all across the US and Canada, the league capitalized on the height of the inline skating fad and was comprised mainly of minor league ice hockey players many eventually played in the NHL who were trying to keep busy during the offseason. At the height of its popularity, replica louboutin shoes the league had games broadcasted on ESPN2 but eventually folded when the inline skating christian louboutin shoes replica boom began to fade.
Founded in 1982, the United States Football League tried to compete with the NFL by playing its games in the spring and summer, during the NFL's offseason. Initially, it looked like it might be successful. The USFL received considerable financial support from one Donald Trump and managed to steal away top talent from the NFL including Heisman winners Herschel Walker, Doug Flutie and Mike Rozier. Other football greats such as Reggie White, Jim Kelly and Steve Young got their pro careers started in the USFL, but the league folded in 1987 because of financial instability and those players moved on to make history in the NFL
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